Coming Home
by phantomliberty
Summary: Someone comes home after being gone for a year. Who was it? What happened? Where were they? CHAPTER 8 reposted Chapter 9 Epilogue Here!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

She could barely believe it. The day that she had thought would never come was here. For a year she had prayed. She'd begun to lose faith, but here she was. She was finally home. She was back in the city that she'd grown up in. It was the only place she'd ever lived, except for the last year. She'd gone to school here, her friends were here and it was where she'd worked.

The thought of work brought her back to the present. Standing outside of the building that she had worked in for seven years, she wondered why then was she so nervous? Why couldn't she talk the last steps that would put her in the one place that was as familiar as her own name? The questions were rhetorical, she knew why. She'd been gone for a year. Would they welcome her back? How would they feel about her once they heard the story? Would they treat her any differently? What would _he_ say? She shook her head to clear her mind. She couldn't let her thoughts go down that road right now. Anyway she knew she wasn't going to get the answers if she spent the morning standing outside. Squaring her shoulders and adjusting the items in her arms she took the last steps home.

She'd timed it so that when she arrived the building was relatively empty. It was seven am and she knew that in about an hour or so it would be much louder and there would be more people. This was hard enough as it was; she didn't want an audience just yet.

As she neared the squad room she kept her head down. She didn't want to be recognized yet. She was also wearing a hooded jacket that helped keep her face hidden. When she got to the door of the squad room she glanced in. She smiled inwardly. Even after a year it hadn't changed. She sighed in relief when she didn't see anyone that she knew.

An officer saw her standing there, hesitating. Figuring it was a victim needing to report a crime, he stepped up to the woman. He gently asked, "Can I help you?" She'd come with a plan that had been formed in advance.

"Yes, actually, can you tell me where Captain Cragen's office is?" She knew, of course where it was, but she had to make it look good, she didn't want to bring attention to herself. She continued "I have an appointment with him."

"Yes ma'am. His office is right across there." He pointed to the door. "Would you like me to help you?" He thought she might want some help carrying something.

"Ah, no thank you officer. I can manage from here. You've been very helpful." She replied. She needed to do this on her own.

"You're welcome." With that the officer left.

Taking a deep breath and strode to the door and without hesitating she knocked. A moment later the door opened. "Come in."

She stepped in, keeping her head down. Cragen shut the door and gestured for her to have a seat. She set her stuff down as she did so. He sat down in the other chair nest to her. He didn't want to exude authority in front of this woman. He figured it was hard enough for her to come in. He wanted her at ease.

"So ma'am how can I help you?" Cragen asked softly

She knew the next words would be a shock. "I need you to forgive me," she whispered.

Cragen wasn't sure if heard her correctly. "I'm sorry..."

"I said that I need you to forgive me." As she said this she raised her head and pulled back the hood of her jacket.

Captain Cragen gasped. He looked as if he seen a ghost. It couldn't be...but it was. "Olivia! What the hell? We thought you were..." He trailed off, not being able to complete the sentence.

She smiled. "Dead? I know. That's why I need you to forgive me."

It seemed that Cragen was having a hard time forming a thought. She knew how he felt. It really was a miracle that she was here.

"Where the hell have you been? What the hell happened to you? What's

going on?" Realizing that he hadn't really said hello he stopped. He leaned over and pulled her in to a hug. "My God, it's so good to see you." She could hear the emotion in his voice.

"You too, cap't. You don't know how much."

Pulling back he looked at her, "Oh I think I have a pretty good idea."

Olivia knew that he had a thousand questions. But first she had something important to do before they got to that. "Captain, before I answer your questions, I have something that I want to show you."

She leaned over and for the first time he noticed what she had brought with her. She lifted a beautiful baby out of a car seat and held her up so Cragen could see her.

"Meet Abigail." Knowing he had a soft spot for babies she gestured for him to hold her. As she handed the baby over she continued. "My daughter." At that statement his head shot up to meet her gaze.

"Olivia..."

"Sit back and relax. I have a story to tell that you will never believe. It's me and Abby's story and the story of where I've been for a year. I swear to you that it's all true. It all began when I was getting ready to come to work one morning..."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: A few things first. This is my first fic ever, so be gentle. The reviews have been great so far, so thank you! I do not have a beta, but I try to proof it best I can. If anyone wants to be my beta let me know.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the L&O characters. I wish. I do own Abby though and a couple of others later in the story though. Better than nothing I guess.

**Chapter 2**

Elliott Stabler was having a really bad day. If he thought about it he'd been having a bad year, but he didn't like to think about that. So he kept it to the present. It was only 9 am and nothing seemed to be going right. But when did it ever?

"Yeah...thanks...bye," he slammed down the phone.

John Munch, or Munch as everyone knew him, friend and fellow detective looked up from the file that he was reading. "Problem?"

Rubbing his hands over his face and sighing he replied, "Just another dead end in the Higgins case. We got nothing."

"Hey man, we'll get the guy. There's always _something_." This was from Odafin Tutuola, or Fin, who was Munch's partner.

Before anyone could respond Cragen walked out of his office. This was the first time that they'd seen him all morning. They knew that he was there, but what he'd been doing all morning was a mystery. The door had been closed as well as the blinds which was somewhat abnormal. But he was the captain; he could do what he wanted.

"Elliott, Fin lab called. They got something in the Higgins case. Get down there and find out what it is. Munch, you're due in court in an hour. Oh, and I'll need you here around 6:30 tonight." He held his hand up before his detectives could ask. "You'll find out tonight. Now get moving." With that he turned and went back to his office and once more shut the door.

"I wonder what that's all about?" Fin pondered.

John spoke up. "I don't know. I heard from one of the uniforms that he's been in there all morning with a victim with a baby. What was weird was that she had an appointment. What vic schedules an appointment to report a case? Why all the secrecy? Why not get us on the case. I'm telling you something weird is going on."

"Oh please, don't get started on your conspiracies. It's too early in the morning. And what's with the gossip. What are you a fourteen year old girl now." Fin interjected.

"I'm just saying it's what I heard," Munch said defending himself.

By then they were outside and parted.

Fin had noticed Elliott was unusually quiet. "You okay?" He asked once they were in the car on their way to the lab.

Elliott looked out the window and mumbled, "Yeah just didn't sleep well." He wasn't about to tell Fin about the dreams and nightmares that plagued him each night. On top of that today was _the _day. It'd been one year ago when his world had fallen apart.

"Hey, if you ever need to talk or something, you know I'm here for you man."

"I know. I appreciate it. I'll be okay."

Fin knew not to push. He also knew what or _who_ was on his mind. She was never very far from anyone's thoughts. The rest of the ride was silent; each one lost in their own thoughts about one particular woman.

Once the guys left Olivia let out a breath. She'd been hiding out in Cragen's office all morning telling her story. He'd been amazed at what she told him. He'd then filled her in on the news of the station and her friends. She'd been shocked at some of the things she heard. Though she knew it wasn't her fault part of her knew that in a way it was. She may not have had control over the situation but she was the one that had been gone.

Cragen came back in his office. "Alright Olivia, they're gone. Are you sure you don't want to stay here?"

"Yeah. I don't want to run the risk of someone seeing me. I'll be fine. I have somewhere to go. They don't know who I was before last year. To them I'm just a friend of the Morgan's. They're expecting me. I'll be back later." She gave Cragen a hug and then put her hood back on. Just in case.

"At least take the back way out. And then come back in that way okay."

She picked up her daughter. Throwing a smile over her shoulder she said "thanks" and left.

By the time Elliott and Fin got back to the precinct they had forgotten about the mystery guest and about the captains odd request from the morning. They'd finally gotten the break that they needed in their case, thanks to the lab. They spent the rest of the afternoon re-interviewing witnesses. It looked like they were on their way to catching the perp.

Elliott sat at his desk trying to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him. It wasn't working. Maybe he could ask the captain if he could get out of there early. Surely he'd understand. He was about to stand up when he remembered Cragen wanted them to stay. Damn.

His gaze went to the desk across from his. It had been hers. For a long time it had stayed the same. Eventually though it had been cleaned out and he'd been assigned a new partner. The guy hadn't lasted long, only about ten months. Who could blame him? Being a detective in the Special Victims Unit was one of the hardest things to do, due to the cases that came their way. So for now it sat empty. Which was fine by him. He didn't want another partner, he wanted _her. _ He sighed and went back to his paperwork.

Just before 6:30 Casey Novak and Alexandra Cabot walked in. They were the two prosecutors from the DA's office that worked with the SVU detectives. Both were very good at their jobs and both had been good friends of Olivia's. Alex had been in the Witness Protection Program, but in the last year her case had been closed and she had been allowed to come home and was offered her old job back to help out Casey who had filled her shoes. The two surprisingly had become fast friends.

Munch spotted the pair first. "Hey ladies. What brings you by tonight? Did someone call you about a case?"

Alex answered. "No. We got a message to meet Cragen here at 6:30. Do you know what is going on?"

"No idea. He just told us that he needed us here at 6:30. Maybe it has something to do with his mystery guest from this morning."

As Alex asked what he was talking about, Casey walked over to Elliott. She knew what today was and knew some of the pain that he must have been feeling. "Hey Elliott. How are you holding up?" She asked softly.

"Hey Casey." He said without looking up. Casey and Elliott had become closer in the past year both being able to share their feeling about their best friend. She'd really been there for him. More than he'd ever asked for. Casey was the one person that he could be honest with. "Not very good. Hopefully whatever Captain has to say won't last long. I need to get out of here. Today has been hell."

She leaned down and gave him a hug. "I know. It was difficult for me too. I almost broke down in court and then later I cried for 20 minutes in my office. How about we get a drink afterwards? Just you and me."

"Sounds like a plan. Thanks Casey." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Good you're all here." Cragen had come up to the group.

"What's this all about cap't?" Fin asked voicing the one question on everyone's mind.

"Why don't we all go in to one of the interrogation rooms and I'll try to explain." He knew that this was going to be one of the hardest things he'd ever do. Listening to the story had been hell in itself. He was now being entrusted to tell it. The story was horrific, but this time it was personal, which made it that much more difficult. He was just glad it had a happy ending.

Olivia carefully watched the group from the captain's office. She's gotten back before the guys had and settled herself in there at his insistence. Thankfully Abby was being quiet for the most part. She didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention. There was Alex out of the Program. God it was good to see her happy again. Munch and Fin looked like they were arguing about something, probably another one of Munch's conspiracy theories. And then her two best friends. She saw Casey walk over to Elliott and quietly speak to him. She so badly wanted to run out the door and shout "I'm here! I'm alive!" But she didn't want to scare her friends to death. Getting Cragen to tell her story first was the right way. She wanted them to hear it from someone else. She wasn't sure if she was able to do it. They needed to understand what happened and where she'd been before they saw here.

After everyone left the squad room she began counting to a hundred. Crossing her fingers she stepped out of her safe haven taking Abby with her. She walked quickly to the viewing room. It would help her prepare herself for when she walked through the door and showed her friends that she in fact wasn't dead, but very much alive.

Looking through the window she could see the confusion on everyone's faces. For the moment she left the speaker off. She'd turn it back up in a few minutes. She just wanted to watch her friends as they were told her tale. She smiled slightly and looked at Abby. She whispered "We're going to be okay baby girl. We're finally home."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This Chapter is rated M for adult content. Please be aware and do not read if you are not supposed to. It will go back down in the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **They are not mine. I'm just borrowing them. The Morgans do however belong to me as does Abby.

**Chapter 3**

Once everyone was in the interrogation room and settled in the extra chairs that they'd brought in Cragen began. "Everything I'm about to tell you is true. It's the story of a woman and her daughter who need our help. I know this is an unusual way to present a case but once I'm done you'll understand. Please don't interrupt me. All your questions will be answered once I'm done. Everyone understand?" At the nods he took a deep breath and began.

"About a year ago a young woman left her apartment here in the city to go to work. It was an ordinary day. Just as she was getting in to her car two hands reached out and grabbed her. She struggled and fought knowing that her life was in danger. The man that grabbed her was, however, stronger and was able to overpower her. She was thrown in to a van. Once in the van he tied he up and knocked her out with chloroform."

"After what must have been hours, she wasn't really sure due to the drugs, the van stopped. The man that grabbed her and his partner that had been driving pulled her out. She was awake though very sick from the drugs. They were at a small house somewhere in the woods. She had no idea where she was. She just knew she was in danger and at the moment there didn't seem to be a way to escape."

"Once in the house they locked her in a room. It was very small, the only thing that fit was a twin bed. The room had no window. They'd left her tied up and dumped her on the bed. She knew though that they would not forget her. Part of her hoped that they would. She knew she'd be better off if they left her alone. That was not the case."

"Over the next few weeks she lived in hell. They would starve her for days feeding her only when they felt like it. Most of the time she was drugged, with what she didn't know. Some would put her to sleep, some made her sick, and some made her see or hear things that weren't there. Every few days she was beaten, most of the time, just for fun, sometimes because she fought or did something that they didn't like. Never enough to break anything but enough to leave bruises all over her body. The worst part for her though was that she was raped repeatedly. Sometimes by only one, sometimes by both men. For awhile she hoped to find a way to escape, but eventually she was too weak to try. She hoped everyday that someone would find her, but with each passing day the hope started to fade. By then all she wanted was to be left alone. Death had to be better than the hell she was living in. Every night she cried herself to sleep, praying to God he would do something."

"One day after being out of it for awhile it seemed like, she woke and was in shock. She had no idea who she was or where she was or how she ended up there. She knew right away that she was in trouble. Later she would learn that during the last beating she'd been knocked down the stairs. She'd hit her head numerous times, which resulted in amnesia. It was a miracle that this woman was still alive. She didn't know until later that up until that point that she'd been there for four months."

"Her kidnappers found it amusing that she couldn't remember anything. It gave her an advantage. Once she made it known that she didn't know who or where she was the men eased up on the ill treatment some. Somehow she knew that this was going to help her get out of there."

"Then the day came. They'd left her alone for a few days so she wasn't in that much pain. One of the men had left, to where she did not know, nor did she care. All she knew was that instead of being outnumbered she now had a chance. She asked to use the bathroom. She was still always locked up in the room. She was only allowed out to use the bathroom, always under supervision. Once in awhile they took her out to other parts of the house. The second man unlocked the door and when it opened she hit him as hard as she could several times with a piece of wood from the floorboards that she'd managed to pry loose. It knocked him down and then eventually out. She ran as fast as she could out the door. All she could see around her were woods. She kept running, praying she would come across another house or person. Anything. Finally just about the time she was ready to fall down and give up she saw it. It was a house. She hoped it was safe, but at this point anything had to be better than where she'd come from. She collapsed in the front yard. She couldn't go further. The homeowners, Mark and Julie Morgan found her. They could tell right away she was in trouble. They took her in to their home and began to nurse her back to health. Julie was a nurse and Mark was a doctor so they were able to help her. She drifted in and out of consciousness. The first time she became conscious and realized she was safe she broke down into tears. She begged them not to report her. Wanting to help her but not wanting to scare her they agreed for the time being."

"Once she was stronger, she explained what happened. The couple was shocked at what they heard. They told the woman, whom they named Faith that she needed to report what happened, but she refused. Faith was scared out of her mind, so they let her stay there to heal. As the days went on her body began to heal, but everyday she was sick. Julie asked Faith if she thought she could be pregnant. It was certainly a possibility. She took a home test and found out she was in fact pregnant."

"Julie convinced Faith to come into her husband's office where they worked to get a check-up. Due to the drugs and trauma she was worried that there might be something wrong with the baby and wanted to find out as soon as possible. At that point everything looked okay, but she promised that they would keep an eye on the baby. She also discussed in length Faiths' options regarding the pregnancy. Faith decided to keep the baby. She already loved it. She didn't know for sure who the baby's father was and she didn't feel right making a decision like that without knowing who she was and what her 'real' life was like."

"She decided she wanted to be surprised when it came to the sex of the baby. By this time she'd gone to the local authorities and reported what happened but because she's waited there was not much to go on. They'd checked local missing persons but there were no matches. However to feel safe she and the Morgan's had a cover story. Faith was a cousin of Julie's, that was stying with them while she was pregnant. She'd escaped a abusive relationship and needed a safe place to stay. The towns people were great and treated her like she was one of them. They gave her things for her and the baby. They even threw her a baby shower. Looking at her she seemed to have everything. There was just one thing wrong. She still had no idea who she was."

"She tried not to be too sad about it. Some days were hard. Occasionally she would have a flash. She knew it was somehow connected to her past but she didn't know how. She wondered if there was anyone out there looking for her. She wished she had more answers then questions."

"Finally on September 18 she went in to labor. She'd decided to have the baby at home where she was most comfortable. That way, too, she didn't have to worry about huge hospital bills she couldn't pay. A mid-wife was called and ten hours she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Julie gave her a baby name book later while she was resting, so she could decide on a name. Rather quickly she decided on a name. She would be called Abigail Erin."

"She got an idea while holding the book. She flipped though the book looking at the names to see if any of them stood out or sounded familiar. She didn't really think that it would work. While casually flipping she came across a name. All of a sudden there was a flash in her mind and then a pain. Suddenly her mind was filled images, names and information. She cried out. Her memory had returned."

"By this time she'd realized where she was from and how long she'd been gone. She wanted to go home right then, but she'd just given birth and need to recover from that. She contacted the local authorities. She explained that she knew who she was and where she was from but she was still in fear, because she didn't know where the men were that had been behind her kidnapping. She thought that they might still be close so she asked them not to release the fact that her memories had returned and to not contact anyone about it just yet. She wanted to tell her family in person when she was stronger. So the authorities stepped up their investigation with the new information she was able to provide. In the meantime she developed complications from the delivery and was sick for another month. Another month went by and one day she received the call she'd been waiting for. The two men had been found. She went down to the station and positively ID'ed the men. Luckily for her once they were faced with the evidence the state had found with the men, they pled guilty and were sentenced to fifteen to twenty years in prison. Not nearly enough, but Faith was glad she would not have to go through a trial. She could finally put it behind her. It took a couple of more weeks to get everything sorted out and the day to go home finally came, though she left with a heavy heart. She would miss her new friends, but she promised to keep in touch and let them know how she was doing. And now she is home where she belongs ready to be welcomed back by her family."  
Cragen finished almost surprised no one had guessed that this story was about Olivia. As she said it was an amazing tale, hardly believable if he hadn't heard it straight from her. He forced himself to not turn to the one-way mirror that was behind him. He knew she was there with Abby waiting for the right moment to come it and surprise her friends.

For a few moments there was silence. Everyone was absorbing the story. Finally Casey spoke, albeit quietly. "I don't understand. If this woman is okay and home where she belongs and the case is closed, then what's that got to do with us? Why tell us?"

From her spot outside Olivia knew that this was her cue. She picked up Abby as she heard Cragen stammer, "Uh...well..." And with that she grabbed the doorknob, took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

A/N: I know that the cops could have just taken her fingerprints and put them them into a database and they would know immediatly who she was.But for the purpose of this story, you're just going to have to pretend that it doesn't exist.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here it is finally! I had the worst writer's block with this chapter. So I apologize for the delay. I hope you all like it. Don't forget to let me know what you think! Thank you to everyone that has reviewed!

**Chapter 4**

At the sound of the door being opened five pair of eyes shot up towards the sound. She stepped through the door and set Abby down by the door. She didn't say anything; she just let her presence speak for her. Everyone except the captain went white and gasped.

Alex was the first to recover. She stood up and walked over to Olivia. She raised her hand to Olivia's face as if to verify that she was really there and she wasn't dreaming. When she verified for a fact that Olivia indeed was real and not a ghost she grabbed her and gave her a bear hug and burst into tears. "It's so good to see you. I can't believe you're really here. But then again who am I to talk, right?"

Up until this point Olivia it hadn't realized just how much she'd missed her friends. There really was no place like home. "It's good to see you too, Alex. I'm glad you're home." She choked out with tears streaming down her face. She hated people seeing her cry but right now she really didn't care at the moment. Besides it didn't count when you best friends were crying too, right?

By this time the others had come out of their state of shock. Casey screamed and then with tears running down her face ran to hug Olivia as Alex stepped back. Somewhere behind her she thought she heard Fin mutter "Holy shit." She then heard Munch state "I should have known she wasn't dead." She glanced up over Casey's shoulder and saw Fin and Munch standing back with looks of disbelief and shock on their faces. She could see that the usually stoic, tough-as-nails cops had tears in their eyes. They stood up and walked over to her. Both gave her bear hugs and kissed her. It was an amazing homecoming. All the fears that she had this morning were wiped away in an instant. How could she ever believe that these wonderful people wouldn't be happy to see her?

It didn't slip past her that Elliott hadn't moved since she walked in. She looked over to where he was still sitting. He was just staring at her. Before she could say anything to him Casey grabbed her hand pulled her over to the table. "Sit down. This is so...I don't even know what it is! Oh God we thought you were..."she couldn't finish the sentence, it was too painful to think about.

Olivia couldn't say the word out loud either. She just nodded. "I know. But as you now know there was a very good reason." She wiped the tears her eyes and continued. "Look I just want you guys to know that I'm so sorry for everything that..."

Munch sitting next to her took one of her hands in his and gently cut her off. "Liv, you have nothing, and I mean nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault and no one here blames you. You did what you had to do and what you thought necessary."

Fin who was standing behind her placed his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her face and spoke. "For once I'm going to have to agree with my partner. You did what you had to do. God, the horrors that you went through! For once you thought of yourself first. You made the right call. What matters now is that you're safe and your home."

From his side of the room between to the one-way mirror and the door Cragen spoke up. "Olivia?"

She turned around in, "Yes sir?" Some habits you just can't break.

He gave her a small smile. "You forgetting about someone?" He turned his gaze down to the floor.

"Oh my goodness we totally forgot about your daughter!" Casey exclaimed, turning her eyes to the car seat that Olivia had set on the floor.

Olivia stood up and walked over and picked Abby up out of the car seat. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten about her daughter! 'Sorry baby, mommy didn't mean to forget about you. She just got caught up in the moment with her friends,' she silently apologized. Turning to the group she said "Guys meet my daughter Abigail, or Abby as I call her. She's four months old and the love of my life." Through this Abby had been sleeping. As if sensing the new attention she blinked her eyes, and woke up.

"She's gorgeous. Looks just like you." Fin observed.

Just then she let out a huge wail. Olivia looked down at her watch and figured it was about time for dinner.

"Sounds just like you too, or at least when you're mad," commented Munch

Olivia sent him a glare that would make most people squirm, but John only laughed. He knew she didn't mean it. Going to the door she opened it and picked up the diaper bag that she'd left outside. Bring it in she set it down on the table. She pulled out a bottle that had pre-measured water and a container that held pre-measured formula. She opened the formula and bottle and mixed the two one handed all the while holding Abby with her other arm.

She turned to Casey who she knew loved kids, especially babies, and had been eying Abby since Olivia had picked her up. "Here you go Case. Your first babysitting job." With that she put Abby in Casey's arms and handed her the bottle before Casey realized what happened. Abby's cries ceased as soon as the nipple was in her mouth.

"Wow, thanks." Was all Casey could utter. She stared down at the infant in her arms.

"Smooth move Liv." Alex called out with a smirk on her face.

"Hey I now have six automatic babysitters. Might as well start getting used to it." The friendly banter and joking came back without even trying. It was almost as if she had never been gone.

"Wish we could get you to calm down that fast when you're in one of your moods." Olivia threw a look to Munch that said 'stuff it.' He just laughed.

Olivia glanced over at Elliott. He still hadn't moved other then to lower his head so he was looking down at his lap. She apparently was going to have to do something to get some sort of reaction from him. She figured that he was going to be the one the most affected, she just didn't think that he would be in so much pain that he wouldn't do anything when she came back.

Slowly she walked around the table and sat down in the chair next to him. She carefully placed one of her hands on his knee and with tears in her eyes and a catch in her voice she softly called his name. "Elliott? Would you look at me, please?"

All he did was shake his head. That was something at least.

She took her other hand and brought it up to his face and put her hand on his chin and gently forced him to raise his head and look at her. With the pain that she saw there it took everything that she had not to start crying again. She did the only thing that she could think of to try to comfort him and show him that she was really there. She pulled him into her arms and held him close. It must have triggered something inside of him because she felt his shoulders start to shake and he grabbed her even tighter and began to, what she could only describe as, weep, into her shoulder.

The others, witnessing Elliott's breakdown, knew the two of them needed to be alone. Without saying word to one another they left the room. Alex and Fin grabbed the baby stuff, while Casey left with Abby who was still drinking her bottle. Munch closed the blinds and turned the microphone off and sat down outside the viewing room to make sure that no one disturbed the emotional homecoming between two special friends.

Back inside the interrogation room, oblivious to their friends' departure, Olivia held onto Elliott as he purged all of his pain, anguish, joy and relief through tears. She tried to keep her own tears at bay but she soon found it was next to impossible. She rubbed his back and offered what comfort she could by being close. No words were needed, and wouldn't be welcome should they be uttered. Slowly his sobs began to subside. After a few more minutes his tears stopped completely and after a few shaky breaths he raised his head from her shoulder.

Looking embarrassed, he stood up, tucking his hands in his pants pockets and walked away from her. She let him go, missing the warmth of the contact, but she knew he wanted a moment to compose himself. She needed one too. She wiped her own tears away. A moment later he turned back around and walked back to the chair and sat down. She gave him a warm smile. "Hi."

He reached up and gently wiped a stray tear off of her cheek and gave her a small smile. "Hi."

"Ah, so he does speak."

"You're funny Liv."

"I try."

"So...you're..."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Talk to me Elliott."

"I don't really know what to say. My mind isn't really able to form a coherent thought at the moment."

" I understand that, more than you know. I really do but you have to give me something." She was beginning to get frustrated.

"Geez Liv. You just show up out of the blue after being presumed dead for a year. What do you want me to say? 'How've you been' just doesn't seem that appropriate."

She closed her eyes and counted to ten. Getting into an argument was not how she envisioned her first conversation with Elliott. Maybe she was being too hard on him.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just you haven't said anything and you can barely look at me. I feel like you hate me. Well don't because I hate myself enough for the both of us. I hope you don't think this is easy for me because it's not. In fact it's one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. I can't tell you that I know exactly what you are feeling but I do know what I am feeling and I'm sure that if we compared notes we would find a whole lot of similarities. So I'll start. I missed you."

He brought his hands up to enclose hers and he leaned towards her. She saw his eyes soften and knew she was forgiven. "I'm sorry too. I could never, ever hate you and I'm sorry that you thought that I did for even a moment. There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me hate you, not even being missing and presumed dead for a year. I missed you too. More than you will ever know. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I didn't mean it, it's just this is a lot to take in at once. One minute I'm missing you with an ache the size of the Grand Canyon, and then the next you walk through the door, alive and well with a baby. You just have to give me some time to process this."

She squeezed his hands in understanding. "I'm sorry that I caused you pain. The one thing that I regret about this entire ordeal is that I caused my friends pain. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that. As for the time to process, take all the time you need, because honestly I'm still processing it. I didn't mean to rush you through your feelings."

"Hey, don't do that. Remember what John told you? None of this is your fault and he's right you know. So don't blame yourself. You went through hell and had your life turned upside down. You're alive and you're here now and that's all that matters."

To hear him tell her that was a balm on her heart. She decided to change the subject to help lighten the tension and she couldn't help but tease him. She let go of his hands and sat back in her seat. "Ah so you _were_ paying attention. I wondered."

He grinned. Here was the Liv that he knew. "Smart aleck."

She smirked at him and gave him an innocent 'Who me?' look.

"So. When do I get to meet your daughter, anyway?"

For the first time Olivia looked around and realized that they were alone. She wasn't surprised. She knew her friends so she knew that'd left to give her and Elliott privacy. She also knew Abby was fine but suddenly she missed her. She stood up and headed for the door. "Come on and you can meet her now."

They passed John in the viewing room. He didn't say a word and just nodded at the pair, following them out in to the bullpen. Thankfully the only people around were her friends so Olivia didn't have to worry about being recognized. She wasn't ready for the questions and publicity that she knew would come with 'coming back from the dead.'

Walking up to the group, who were gathered around Munch and Fin's desks she saw that everyone had their attention focused on her daughter. She hadn't been back 24 hours and already she had them wrapped around her finger. Alex, currently holding Abby, noticed the trio first. "Hey guys. Everything okay?"

Olivia glanced at Elliott and answered honestly. "Not yet, but it will be. How's my baby doing?"

Alex nodded at the answer and change of subject. She understood what Olivia meant better than the others so she didn't push. "She's been an angel. Casey finished feeding her and burped her. Since then we've just been taking turns holding her. You want her back?" Alex didn't really look like she was ready to give up the infant but wasn't going to get between a protective mother and her daughter!

"Nah, but I do know someone who would like to meet her. El?" Elliott had been hanging back a few steps but at her call he stepped next to her. Alex, immediately understanding, gently placed Abby in his arms.

Elliott had held babies before. He'd had four of his own. There was something different about holding someone else's. Especially when that someone was your best friend and partner. Especially when the child belonged to Olivia. He looked down at the tiny miracle in his arms and felt a tug at his heart and fell head over heals in love. "She's beautiful."

She never got tired of hearing it and inwardly preened at the compliment but only murmured "Thanks." She didn't want her friends to think that she had an over-inflated ego when it came to her child. Though she thought it was something every mother felt.

As Elliott continued to hold Abby Casey turned to Olivia. "What are your plans now?"

Olivia ran her hand though her hair. Exhaustion was beginning to set in and in response her body reminded her. She let out a huge yawn. "Sleep."

Before Casey could ask anything else Cragen spoke up. He knew that Olivia was wrung out, physically and emotionally, and could see she was about to fall asleep on her feet. "All right everyone that's enough for tonight. It's getting late and we all have to be here in the morning. I'm sure if you ask nicely, Olivia could be persuaded to come back tomorrow. So go home!"

Casey, Alex, Fin and Munch gathered their stuff, hugged and kissed Olivia and of course Abby, and filed out. Cragen left a few minutes later.

"Look Elliott, as much as I know you want to hold Abby all night, I've got to get her packed up and someplace to stay tonight. I know we have a million things to talk about but could they wait? I'm beat and would really like to get out of here." Cragen had told her that her apartment had been rented to someone else and that they guys had put her stuff in storage for. They hadn't been able to get rid of it not know for sure if she was dead. Thankfully they'd held on to it but none of it was going to do her any good for tonight.

"Why don't you stay with me? There's plenty of room and it would be more comfortable than a hotel. In the morning I can bring you back here." He buckled Abby in to her seat as he spoke.

She was grateful but didn't want to intrude. "Are you sure? Abby will be up at least two more times. I don't want to disturb you."

"If I didn't want you there then I wouldn't have offered and you won't disturb me. I raised four children, two at once, remember? I'll be fine."

Knowing that he was right and that it did make more sense she relented. "Okay. Thanks. We'll try not to be in the way."

He laughed. "I don't think that's going to be a problem and even if it were I'd welcome it. I've missed you." His expression had grown serious. Before she could come up with a reply he glanced around and noticed other than the car seat, diaper bag, coat and purse she didn't appear to have anything else with her. "Is that all you have?" She nodded. "Where's your stuff?"

"The Morgan's are holding most of it until I get settled. I have a bag in a locker at the bus station. We'll need to swing by there so I can grab it."

Elliott glanced at her as he grabbed his coat and keys. He then picked the car seat up. He could see the exhaustion in her face. "You're dead on your feet. How about this instead? We go back to my place so you can get some rest and on the way back here in the morning we'll pick up your stuff. I'm sure that I have something that you can use tonight."

Stifling a yawn she picked up her purse and diaper bag and nodded. She let him gently push her out the door, too tired to argue.

Once they were are his apartment he showed her to one of the spare bedrooms. It had two twin beds, two dressers and a nightstand. "This is the room that Maureen and Kathleen use when they come to visit. It's not much," he said apologetically.

"It's fine, Elliott. Thank you."

"I'll go see if I can find something for you to change into. Be right back."

Once he left Olivia practically collapsed on the bed and ran her hands through her hair. What a day. As tired as she was she also felt something else. She was restless. She got up to pace. Looking around the room she saw small reminders of Elliott's two oldest daughters. In the years she'd been Elliott's partner she'd gotten to know his children. She'd been there for them as much as possible especially when Kathy filed for divorce. How would they react when they heard the news? Would they be able to understand why she didn't come home right away? Maureen and Kathleen would understand better than the twins, Dickie and Lizzie. They were only twelve. Would they just think that she'd abandoned them? A tear slipped down her face. She quickly wiped it away. She hated to cry and had done enough in the last year to last a lifetime. She also didn't want Elliott to see her like that. It was hard though. Maybe she made a mistake not coming home sooner. Hell, she could've sent a letter, picked up the phone...something. She'd been selfish. She'd only been thinking of herself when she'd decided to wait to come home. Julie had begged her to let her friends know that she was okay but she'd said that she wasn't ready. Had it been just an excuse?

Elliott stood silently in the doorway and watched Olivia walk around the room. She looked so sad. He wondered what she was thinking about. He was still amazed that she was here. He'd never given up hope that she was still alive, but there had been nothing to go on. He hated the men that did this to her, to all of them. They'd taken away a year of her life that she would never get back. He was glad they'd been caught and jailed. He knew what he wanted to do to them. He personally wanted to make them pay, but he knew that Olivia wouldn't approve and he didn't want her to hurt anymore because of them.

Just then Olivia turned and saw him standing in the doorway. She wondered how long he'd been standing there. "Hey."

He cleared his throat and stepped in the room. "Here's a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. They belong to Maureen so they should be about the right size." He handed her the clothes.

She took the clothes from him and set them on the bed. "Thanks. Let me change and then I want to talk to you about something I just remembered. It won't take long."

"As long as you're sure that you're not too tired." He could see the dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm fine. I'll meet you out in the living room in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay." He turned to the door and when he got there he turned back. "Welcome home, Liv." With that he shut the door quietly behind him and went to get ready for bed.

A few minutes later she wandered into the living room. Elliott was already there waiting for her. He was standing by the window looking outside. He turned around when he felt, not heard, her come into the room. He was a little surprised that even after being away from one another for a year he could still sense her presence. He shouldn't be too surprised; they had worked together for seven years. They knew each others nuances, moods and could even finish each other's sentences. They had been in that tune with one another.

She watched him turn from the window and sucked in a breath. He was wearing the same thing as she was, sweats and a t-shirt, but somehow looked sexy in them. She smiled inwardly. 'He looks good' she thought before she could stop herself. She gave herself a mental shake. What the hell was she doing checking out her partner? 'Get your thoughts under control, Benson' she scolded herself as she sat down. She really did need sleep if she was thinking about Elliott like that! She was glad that he couldn't read her mind.

"So, what's up?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about your kids. I don't know how they took my disappearance but I think that you should tell them as soon as possible. This will probably hit the news tomorrow, and I don't really want them to hear it second hand."

"I got so caught up in everything I almost forgot about the kids! You're right though. They should hear it from you or me. Maureen and Kathleen will understand, but the twins I think will have more questions." He looked at the clock. It was just after eight. Thankfully the next day was Saturday. "Look, I can call Kathy now and ask her to drop the kids off at the station in the morning if you want. I'd have to explain why, but I think that she'd understand. Then I'll call Maureen and ask her to come by too, that way we can tell them all at once." He looked at Olivia to see how she felt.

"Are you sure Kathy won't mind? She already hates me as it is. I don't want to piss her off more."

"Actually, you'd be surprised. Your disappearance hit the kids pretty hard and she had to help them through it. I could only do so much, added that I was having my own problems with it. So that softened her some of her feelings that she felt towards you. Also, she's dating again, some guy named Nick whose a CPA, and from what I understand he makes her happy. She's lost a lot of the bitterness and anger towards me, my job and even you. She and I can actually have a conversation without getting into an argument. So, no I don't think she'll mind. She knows you care about the kids and that the kids care about you."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief. She was glad that her partner's ex-wife didn't hate her anymore. It was one less thing that she would have to worry about. "Okay you've convinced me. Go ahead and make the call." Just then she heard a small cry from the bedroom. She stood up. "I'll go check Abby. Just let me know what she says." With that she turned down the hallway and left Elliott to make his calls.

Half an hour later Elliott hung up the phone. The calls had gone better than he'd thought. Maureen asked her dad what was going on but relented when he told her it was something that he had to tell her in person. Kathy had been surprised to say the least, but she was glad for him. She knew how close the two of them were. She promised to bring the kids by in the morning. She even said that if he wanted he could spend the day with them even though it wasn't his weekend with them.

As he walked down the hall to the guest room he didn't hear anything. He knocked on the door and when he didn't get a response peeked in to see if they were okay. He had to grin at what he saw. The two of them had fallen asleep. Olivia was sitting up against the headboard, gently, but protectively holding Abby to her chest. He softly went over and gently lifted Abby out of her grasp. For a moment he just held her close. Not wanting to wake her he gently laid her down in her car seat and strapped her in. He made a not to ask Olivia when she would be getting the rest of her stuff. Abby was probably getting tired of always being in the car seat. He looked over at Olivia. He didn't really want to wake her but if she stayed like that she would feel it in the morning. He walked back to the bed and gently touched her shoulder and lightly shook her. "Olivia? Wake up."

"What? Where's Abby...?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"I put Abby in her car seat. Don't worry, she's still asleep. I just wanted to let you know that everything is set for tomorrow. Kathy's dropping the kids off at eight. I also woke you up so you could get more comfortable."  
She crawled under the covers already falling back asleep once she knew that Abby was safe. "Thanks. See you in the morning Stabler." With that she was out. He walked to the door and turned the light out. "Sweet dreams, Liv," he whispered as he shut the door.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this out. I had the story written in a notebook and as I typed it out it completely veered off in another direction. I had to chase it down and I'm still trying to figure out where it wants to go. So updates might take longer now. It's not great in the beginning but gets better by the end. Or so I think. Let me know what **you **think. _

_Disclaimer: SVU and its characters do not belong to me. Abby does though. That's all._

**Chapter 5**

When Olivia woke in the morning she was pleasantly surprised at how rested she felt. Abby had only woken once in the night and once fed and changed she had fallen right back to sleep.

After her shower, she grimaced at her reflection in the mirror. Once she'd gotten out she remembered the only clothes that she had with her were the ones that she'd worn the day before. Pulling them on she wished she had persuaded Elliott to take her to get her bag. Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Come on in Elliott."

He came in with a pile of assorted clothes in one hand. "I thought that you might want some clean clothes. I found some more of Maureen's in the laundry room."

She breathed a sigh of pleasure as she started to look through them. "Thank you. I was just cursing you for not letting me get my stuff. So for this I take it all back and forgive you."

He flashed her a grin. "I appreciate it. Finish up and Abby and I will meet you in the kitchen for breakfast. I fixed your favorite."

Her eyes lit up. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

Sometimes it was really easy to make her happy. "Yes, coffee's ready too so get a move on."  
"I will as soon as you get out."

"Yes ma'am!" He threw a salute to her and shut the door.

She threw his words back at him from the day before. "Smart aleck!" She heard him laughing as he left.

She quickly redressed and then met him in the kitchen. He handed her a cup of coffee just the way she liked it and they sat down for a quick breakfast. Olivia soon found out that though she was hungry she couldn't eat much because of the butterflies in her stomach. Finally it was time to leave and they gathered Abby and headed out the door.

It didn't take long to get to the bus station and grab her bag and soon they were on their way to the precinct. As they get closer the butterflies multiplied. By now she figured her news was all over the station. Yesterday wasn't so bad because she had been hiding and then she just saw her closest friends. How would everyone else react? As if sensing her thoughts and nervousness, Elliott reached over and squeezed her hand. "It'll be okay."

She laughed. "What are you a mind reader now?"

"No. When your nervous you chew on your bottom lip. And if you don't stop you're going to start bleeding."

Once they got to the station, she saw that she was right about one thing. The news had spread. Even at almost 8 in the morning there were several dozen reporters out front clamoring for a shot of the woman of the hour. Several officers were keeping the crowd back from the street and others were guarding the front doors. Olivia groaned.

Elliott had expected this and drove past the crowd never being spotted. "I'm going to drive around to the back. I'll bet that the captain made sure that they wouldn't be allowed back there." Thankfully he was right. It was quiet until she got inside. The reporters weren't being allowed inside the building; but that didn't stop her fellow officers and coworkers from crowding around her. It took awhile to get to the SVU squad room. There was no better. She was embarrassed at the attention but she took it all in stride. Olivia knew that her story was big news. It wasn't everyday that a NYPD cop came back from the dead. With all the reporters outside she figured she'd have to give a statement at some point.

Cragen and her friends were waiting when they managed to break away from the well wishers.

"Ah, the lady of the hour!" Munch greeted.

"Shut up John." Olivia said trying to keep a scowl on her face. She failed and grinned at the group. "Sorry about the circus captain."

He waved her apology away. "Not your fault. But the Brass would like you to give some sort of statement if you feel up to it?"

Though she was expecting it she still moaned. "I sorta figured. Could I go ahead and get it over with?"

"Yeah, actually they're waiting for you. Don't worry I'll go with you. You can leave Abby here."

"We'll take good care of her." Alex promised as she lifted her out of her seat.

"Okay, just give me five minutes to change." She grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom.

When she got back she scanned the room for Elliott. She knew his children would be there soon and she wanted to know what his plan was for when they showed up. She spotted him at his desk talking to a uniformed officer. She walked up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Elliott, can I talk to you for a moment?"

He stood up and excused himself. They walked over to a relatively quiet corner.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded. "I just want to know what you're going to do about your kids. They should be here by the time I get back."

"I just talked to Kathy. They're on their way here now. She's coming in the back way so they don't see the press. Kathy will wait with them upstairs until you get back. Then the rest I guess is up to you."

"Olivia? Are you ready to go?" Cragen asked walking up to the pair.

"Yeah. Let's go." After taking a couple of steps she turned back to Elliott and smiled. "I'll meet you back here and we'll tell the kids. See you in a little bit." With that they were gone.

Walking back to the squad room Olivia let out a breath. She was so glad that she'd gotten the press conference over with. Telling the world that she was alive and why she'd been missing for a year had been tough. Thankfully the Brass had been very supportive, which had been a surprise. All she wanted to do now was find Abby and then tell Elliott's kids. Once they knew then she could get on with living her life. Stepping into the squad room she spotted Elliott immediately. He must have been keeping an eye out for her because he saw her and walked up.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine. The Commissioner kept it short. I guess he could tell that I didn't want to be there all day. Are your kids here yet?"

"Yeah. They're upstairs with Kathy. They're confused as to why they're here though. They know something is going on but not what. You ready for this?"

"Uh, honestly no but I need to do this. By the way where's Abby?" She looked around and didn't see her and began to worry.

Elliott laughed and Olivia wondered what she'd missed. "She's in with 'Grandpa Cragen.'"

"Grandpa Cragen!"

"That's what I heard him tell her. I could barely believe my ears. He knows the kids are here, but promised that if she needed you he would send someone up to get you."

"Okay let's go." For support she took her hand in his as they walked up the stairs. When they got to the door to the crib he squeezed her hand and then let go. She stepped back so he could go in and talk to them first. He left the door cracked so she could here what was going on.

"Hey dad."

"What's going on? Why are we here?"

He was greeted enthusiastically by his kids. Kathy gave him a smile to show her support. He sat on one of the beds and motioned for the kids to sit down.

"Well you're here because I have some news to share and I wanted you to hear it from me and in person. First you have to know that I didn't find out about this until yesterday so it's was complete surprise to me too."

Kathleen interrupted him. "Dad! Just tell us. We can handle it whatever it is." Suddenly a thought crossed her mind and she got a horrified look on her face and gasped. "It's not about Olivia is it? Did they find her? Kathleen looked like she was about to burst into tears. He quickly reassured her and the others who looked just as shocked at the thought.

"It's okay guys. The news is about Olivia, just not what you think. See for yourself." And before they could react to that statement the door opened and she stepped in. The kids gasped. Even Kathy, who knew she was alive, looked shocked. The twins recovered first and jumped up and hurled themselves at her. Maureen and Kathleen followed suit. The five of them were laughing and crying with the kids throwing out a hundred questions at once. Eventually the kids' tears stopped and they let go of Olivia enough so she could sit down. She went and sat down next to Elliott. Kathleen and Lizzie sat next to her on the other side and Maureen and Dickie sat on the bed across from them. Kathy stood up and cleared her throat. She knew that Olivia would be uncomfortable with her there. "I'll see you guys later tonight. It's good to see you're safe Olivia." And with that she was gone.

Olivia was surprised at the other woman's grace. A year ago Kathy would have had a much different reaction. There would have been some sort of confrontation with screaming and yelling. Maybe Elliott was right, maybe Kathy had mellowed some.

Once she was gone the kids turned back to Olivia. "Where were you Livvie? We missed you so much!" Lizzie exclaimed as she hugged her hard.

She hugged the young girl close. "I missed you guys too. So much. I'll tell you what I can but understand I don't want you to know everything. Not because I don't love you guys, because I do love you and there are some things about what happened that you just don't need to know." They all shook their heads in understanding so she continued.

"The day I disappeared, on my way to work I was grabbed by two men. They took me out of state. I was there a long time. I wanted to come home really, really bad. I missed all my friends, work and you guys. Then I got hurt and for several months I didn't remember who I was so I didn't know where home was. Once I remembered who I was I came home as soon as I knew was safe. So here I am."

She knew that the details were vague but the children didn't need to know the horrific circumstances. Looking at Maureen and Kathleen she saw the understanding in their eyes. They could read between the lines and knew there was more. Lizzie and Dickie were just happy to know that their friend was safe and home.

"So what are you going to do now? Are you going to be dad's partner again?" Maureen asked.

"Uh, well I'm just taking one day at a time right now. I haven't talked to Cragen yet. But there is one more thing that you need to see. Hang on and I'll be right back." She left the room and went downstairs to Cragen's office and knocked.

"Come in."

She opened the door and smiled at the sight before her. Abby was asleep resting comfortably in Cragen's arms. "I just came to collect my daughter. I have some people upstairs that need to meet her."

He stood up and walked around the desk and handed her over. "No problem. She's been an angel, just so you know. How did they take the news?" He had seen Kathy come in with the kids and knew why they were there.

"Good. They don't know all the details of course, but have accepted what I told them. Maureen and Kathleen may have more questions later but I won't tell them everything, just because they don't need to have that in their minds."

"Understandable. Olivia--"She paused at the doorway and turned back to look at Cragen. "If you need anything else my door is always open."

She gave him a smile. "Thanks captain. See you later."

When she got back upstairs she heard the kids peppering their dad with questions about her, where she'd been, and what the big surprise was. He was fending them off as best as he could. She smiled down at Abby and pushed the door open. Four heads swung to the sound of the door creaking open. Again, the kids were silent for a moment, and then rushed over to see Abby.

"You had a baby!" exclaimed Kathleen.

"Awesome!" This came from Dickie.

"Wow she's so tiny!" Maureen said.

"She's beautiful." Lastly Lizzie chimed in.

Olivia sat back down and the kids crowded around for a better look. As they cooed over Abby her thoughts wandered. She'd never thought she'd feel so content as she did at that moment. She had her best friend back, with his kids, who loved her and now Abby, unconditionally, and accepted her in their lives without a thought. She had Abby, who she loved more than she ever thought she could love a child. She'd never thought that she would have kids. She didn't think that she should pass down the genes that coursed through her. Now that she had Abby she couldn't imagine not having her. Sure there were moments she wondered if she would screw up. But from talking to other mothers she knew that was a common fear in new mothers.

"Olivia?" She realized Maureen was trying to get her attention.

"Sorry. My mind was wandering. What did you ask me?" She focused her attention on the girl.

Maureen grinned. "We were just wondering what her name was. Dad won't tell us." She threw him an evil glare. He just grinned back at her.

"Oh! Sorry. Guys this is Abigail, or Abby. Maureen would you like to hold her?" She saw that look on her face. She desperately wanted to hold her but was afraid to ask.

The young woman's face lit up at the question. "May I?"

"Sure...Support the head...there you go."

Just then Lizzie asked the one question that Olivia had been dreading. "Whose her dad, Olivia?"

She froze. She didn't know what to say. The truth would be detrimental. "Uh...well..."

Elliott seeing the look in Olivia's eyes knew that there was no easy way to answer that. Especially to a twelve year old. It was something that she just didn't need to know right now. He spoke up providing a distraction. "Hey guys? Cragen gave me the rest of the day off so what do you say we get out of here. I was thinking we could go to the park and hang out, maybe have a picnic. What do you think?" He glanced at Olivia who mouthed 'Thank you.' He just nodded. The kids readily agreed. Olivia was still sitting silently. "Sound like a plan, Liv?"

She forced herself to focus on Elliott. "Yeah. That does sound good. I just need to grab my stuff from downstairs."

They trooped downstairs, collected her things, said bye to everyone and walked out into the sunshine. They decided to take the subway because there wouldn't be enough room in the car for all of them. Once off the subway they grabbed sandwiches at a deli and headed into the park. It really was a beautiful day for romping in the park.

Everyone had a great time that day. By the end of the day everyone was exhausted. Happy but exhausted. Later that night back at Elliott's apartment, Olivia's thoughts wandered to earlier that day. She knew that Lizzie hadn't meant to upset her. She was just a curious child, not able to understand the all ways of the world just yet. She also knew until she came clean that question was going to haunt her. Lizzie had been the first one to voice it, but since she'd return she'd seen the question in everyone's eyes. And with the question she saw the one thing that she didn't want. Pity. She didn't want that. To her, Abby was a blessing. A tiny, beautiful blessing. And neither one of them deserved pity from anyone.

Elliott interrupted her thoughts just then. "Hey, are you okay?" He stood in the doorway of the guest room.

"Yeah, just thinking about some things." She glanced down at Abby who was asleep. She didn't want to wake her up.

He sensed her hesitancy. "Let's go sit in the living room and we can talk."

She followed him out to the living room and sat down. This was starting to become a nightly ritual.

"What's on your mind Liv? Ever since you saw the kids this morning you've been quiet. You put a mask on but I know you better than you do sometimes, you can't fool me. Is this about what Lizzie asked you? Becuase you know she didn't mean it, right? It doesn't matter _who _her father is. Your her mother and that's enough."

"I know. But..." She didn't know how to continue. She could turn everything upside down with a few words. Would it be worth it? She was just terrified of the reaction that she might get.

"But what? Liv, look in the mirror. Despite who your parents were look at how you turned out. You're a wonderful person. You have helped more people in this city than I can count. You have friends that love you. You are _not _your mother or your father."

"Elliott!" She had to stop him. He was making this too hard as it was.

He was mildly shocked at her outburst. He looked over and saw unshed tears in her eyes and was immediately contrite. He didn't want her to cry. "Dammit. I'm sorry, Liv. I just want you to know that you and Abby do matter."

She hated the tears that threatened to fall. "I know. In the last year with all the not knowing I've come to accept things in my life. I can't control where my DNA came from but I can control what I do and how I feel. I'm happier now then I've ever been. So please stop with the lecture. I don't need it anymore."

"Then why the brooding and the tears?"

She knew what she had to do and now was the time. If she didn't do it now then she would lose her nerve completely. "There's something that I need to tell you about Abby's father..."

_A/N: I hate cliffhangers, but I needed to stop this chapter at some point and this seemed like a good place. If you want to know what happens stay tuned...Oh and please review._


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews! To keep you happy and to keep the peace here's another chapter! Enjoy!

To tria246815: I fixed the 2 't' problem in this chapter, thanks for letting me know! I don't want your army of robot cocker spaniels to come after me! Scary!

To shakahand55: Please don't hurt yourself! Here's another chapter for you!

To: BrittanyLS: I'm sorry for disappointing you, but I hope you keep reading, you never know what may be in store.

Disclaimer: Abby's mine. That's it.

Previously:

_She hated the tears that threatened to fall. "I know. In the last year with all the not knowing I've come to accept things in my life. I can't control where my DNA came from but I can control what I do and how I feel. I'm happier now then I've ever been. So please stop with the lecture. I don't need it anymore."_

"_Then why the brooding and the tears?"_

_She knew what she had to do and now was the time. If she didn't do it now then she would lose her nerve completely. "There's something that I need to tell you about Abby's father..."_

Chapter 6

Elliot cut in. "Olivia, you don't have to do this. I don't need to know."

Frustrated with the interruptions Olivia raised her voice, "Elliott, please stop interrupting me. I need to tell you this. I'll never forgive myself if I don't do it and everyday it gets harder. Just let me get through it then I'll answer any questions that you have. I promise." And she knew there would be lots of questions.

Looking guilty and feeling like a chastised four year old Elliot apologized. "I'm sorry Liv. I promise I'll be quiet now." He looked at her letting her know she could continue when she was ready.

For a few moments Olivia was quiet, contemplating how she would continue voicing her thoughts. Finally she spoke almost in a whisper at first, "When I regained my memories the first thing that I realized was who her father was. It may have had something to do with what triggered them in the first place." She knew she wasn't making much sense, she could see the confusion on Elliot's face, but true to his word he didn't interrupt. She stood up and walked away, needing to find an outlet for all of the nervousness she was feeling.

"Do you want to know why I chose the name Abigail?" They both knew it was a rhetorical question. So he let her continue without saying anything wishing he could see her face to see what she was feeling. She continued, not able to look at him. "Not even knowing my name made it hard to pick a name. I wanted something strong. Something that had meaning. I crossed my fingers that I didn't pick whatever my _real _name was. The first name that I really liked was Erin. It means peace. She was my peace. It's what I'd felt all those months, even with not knowing who I was. I decided that I would use that as a first name and so I started looking for another name for her middle name. That took longer. Nothing seemed right until I found 'Abigail'. I didn't even look at the meaning at first, I just liked the sound of it. I decided to use it as a first name and use Erin as her middle name. Then I looked at the meaning and I got this weird feeling. I don't know how to describe it. I just knew somehow that it was perfect for my daughter. So I told Julie my decision. Then I began to look through the book and then fell across the name that triggered the return of my memories. Once the initial pain subsided and things started to fall into place in my mind one of the first things I realized was the name meant so much to me." She turned around to see that Elliot had stood up and was standing a few feet behind her. She saw the confusion in his eyes, but she also saw admiration and compassion.

Elliot couldn't stop the question coming from his mouth. He knew it had to be really important if she was insisting on discussing it. "Why?"

"Before I tell you, do you want to know what the trigger was?" She turned away from him again not able to look at him for her eyes were tearing up again.

He took another step closer, just to let her know that he was there for her, just in case. "What?" he whispered softly.

"It was your name. Elliot. That was the trigger. I saw it and that was it, everything came back to me." She was crying now. He could hear it in her voice. He wanted so bad to pull her into his arms to comfort her, but knew if he tried right now she would resist him. So he let her cry, not saying anything, just using his presence to convey his support for the moment.

After a moment she wiped her eyes and took a shaky breath. "When I saw your name I understood why I had the feeling that I had when I saw the meaning for the name 'Abigail'." Without turning around and trying to hold the tears at bay she finished, "Elliot, it means a 'fathers joy...'

A/N: Aaahhhhh! Another cliffhanger! I really didn't mean to. As I said before, this story has a mind of its own and I'm trying to catch up with it.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: After two short cliffhangers here is a nice long chapter. Thanks for all the reviews! They make my day! Enjoy. _

**Chapter 7 **

Olivia held her breath waiting to hear Elliot's reaction. When she didn't hear anything right away she slowly turned around to look at him. Looking him in the eye she saw all the emotions that she felt flash in his eyes. Confusion, disbelief, a hint of sadness, joy and love. Finally he found his voice, though it was very shaky, "You're saying she's my daughter...? That beautiful baby girl that I already love like one of my own, is mine?" Tears pooled in his eyes and slowly tracked down his face. He didn't notice, if he had he wouldn't have cared. This was life changing news after all.

"Yes El, Abby is your daughter." There was so much to say, but that was all she managed to choke out. Right now simpler seemed to better.

Elliot turned around and walked to the couch and sank down on to it. He was speechless. He had a daughter, well _another _daughter. With Olivia. One that he hadn't even known about. Not that he blamed Liv. It was in no way her fault. He found his voice again. "Not that I doubt you, but how can you be sure?"

She wasn't offended at the question. It was legitimate. Olivia walked to the couch and sat down next to him, wiping away the stray tears as she did. She picked up his hand and held it tightly in his. "In the weeks between being grabbed and losing my memory I was sick a lot. I thought it was due to the drugs or the circumstances. Every time they...well, they used protection. I never found out why but I it didn't matter to me, I was just glad they did. It never occurred to me that I may be pregnant. As Cragen told you I didn't know I was pregnant until I got away. By then I had more questions then answers because I didn't know who I was. Did I have a family, a husband, a boyfriend or was this child a product of my situation? I was worried that if I made an extreme decision that I ran the risk of ultimately hurting someone in my life. By that point I loved her so much it didn't matter. She was my daughter and I was keeping her no matter what. Looking back, not knowing who I was in a way turned out to be a good thing for me. I fell in love with my daughter without any bias from my life. I didn't know the facts about my mother or my father. I just knew that I was going to be a mother. When I saw the name 'Abigail' it felt right. I can't explain it. Some part of me knew, I guess. I just figured that I would never know who I was. I was prepared to stay there and raise my daughter. Little did I know in the next ten minutes I would remember. Then I saw your name and the first thing that came back to me was you and the fact that Abby was your daughter. I cried so hard when I realized that. I cried for you, for me, for her, for the months you missed, for the whole situation, but not all my tears were sad. I was also elated. My daughter had a father, who I knew would love her and be there for her no matter what. I thought back to those first few weeks and knew that being sick wasn't from the drugs, or at least all of it, it had been morning sickness. I wanted so bad to come home and tell you right away. There were times I even held the phone in my hands, trying to find the nerve to call. But I knew that wasn't the right way. Then I got the sick and the men were found so I had to wait. It was so hard. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Her voice broke on a sob that she'd been trying so hard to keep from escaping.

There were a million thoughts running through Elliot's mind but the one thing that didn't make sense was why she thought she needed him to forgive her.

"Liv, why do you think that you need my forgiveness? I'm not angry at you for any of this. You did what you had to do. I can't say that I don't regret missing those months but I understand why you waited. You did what you needed to do to protect you and our daughter. I don't expect anything less from you. You've given me the most precious gift ever. How could I ever be angry for that? I only wish that we could have found you sooner, but what's done is done and now we can move forward from here. Let's not worry about the past. There's nothing we can do to change it."

"I guess I thought that you would've told me that I should have come home as soon as I knew who I was. I thought you would be angry at me for keeping her away from you for several months. Maybe it was because I was angry that a year of my life was snatched away, I don't know. I can't explain it. Cragen told me how

you never gave up and kept the investigation going even when there was nothing there. He also said that you kept my file on your desk and looked at it every day. And you want to know something? That's what I hope for as soon as I knew that I wasn't getting out of there immediately. But then when the time came I didn't rush home. I never really admitted it but I was hiding. Part of me didn't even want to come back. I seriously thought about staying there and then I would have kept you from your daughter. How can you forgive me for that? I can't forgive myself."

"Look at me, Liv. There's nothing to forgive, because you didn't stay there. You came home to where you belong. So stop thinking about what could have been. It's a waste of time. Let's make a deal. No more thinking that we blame each other for anything. Neither of us is responsible for the bad things that happened. Let's just start to focus on the good things. Promise?" He looked at her to show her that he meant it. She raised her face and saw no blame or guilt in his bright blue eyes. There was only hope and the promise of good things that could be waiting. Unblinking, chocolate brown eyes bright with tears met bright blue. "I promise. No more assumed blame, no more guilt trips."

They were well versed at being able to tell what the other was thinking by just a look, so he knew that he would be able to tell if she was lying. She wasn't. Satisfied that she whole heartedly meant what she said he nodded and smiled. "Good, I'm glad that's settled, because I gotta tell you, my brain is still trying to catch up to the fact that I have a four month old daughter. So I want to know everything about her."

Olivia laughed at his enthusiasm. She felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. He wasn't angry at her and he'd forgiven her. "She's wonderful. Though a lot like you sometimes. Demanding, stubborn, loud..." She trailed off as he gave her shoulder a playful shove. "Hey, you asked!"

"You're real funny Liv, you know that?"

"Yeah. Okay. She has your eyes, though I know they could change, but I really hope they don't. She has a really cute dimple on the right cheek. She loves to be held and seems to know when she's the center of attention. She makes this really cute noise when she sleeps and scrunches up her face. She loves to be rocked and loves Baby Einstein music and most of the time that calms her if nothing else will. I can't wait for you to get to know her and spend time with her Elliot."

Suddenly his face changed and he looked surprised. "You do?"

She was confused. "Why are you so surprised? Wait, you didn't think that I would tell you this and then try to keep her away did you?" By the look on his face that was exactly what he was thinking. "Elliot! I can't believe you would think that I would ever do that to you! Why do you think that I told you all of this in the first place. I _want _you in her life! She _needs _you. Where is this coming from?"

Guilt crossed his face. "I guess because that's what I know. Kathy--"

She cut him off at the mention of his ex wife. "I see. You think I'm like her. You think that I would only let you see your daughter when it was convenient for me? Because I saw what she did to you in the beginning of the divorce I'll forgive you this time but please remember this: I'm _not_ her El. I'm not going to dictate when you can or cannot see her. You can have as much contact with Abby as you want. I'm not going to stop you from seeing her whenever you want. I don't want anything formal just an agreement between you and me. At some point in the future we'll have to have a more formal arrangement, but right now, you can see her whenever you want. Right now it's really not that hard, seeing as I'm staying with you."

"I'm sorry Liv. I shouldn't have assumed that about you, I know better."

"I forgive you. Just promise me that if you ever feel like I'm keeping her from you, you'll tell me, okay?"

"I promise." Suddenly a thought occurred to him. "Hey Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Abby okay? I mean health wise? There aren't any problems are there?"

She understood where this fear came from. It's what every parent feared at some point. "She's perfect. There are no signs of trauma or lasting effects from anything that happened. I worried about that too, when I found out I was pregnant. It was the one thought that pushed me to think about termination, but I realized no matter what, I loved her and nothing else mattered. Julie kept a close eye out for any inconsistencies, but there never were any. She's at the normal ranges for all abilities for her age."

"What was her birth like?"

"Like you know, I decided when the time came to have her at the Morgan's. There would be too many questions at a hospital and it was a county over, and I was very uncomfortable around strangers. We didn't have an exact due date, it was more like a two week time frame. On the night of the 17th I was having some pains, but that was fairly normal and I didn't think anything of them. I went to be and the next morning I woke up early feeling really terrible. The pains were worse and I just felt crappy. Just as I was getting up my water broke. I called for Julie, who was up, and when she saw what was happening, took charge. Granted she's done this before. Leading up to this I figured I'd be a nervous wreck when I went in to labor, but surprisingly I wasn't. I was very calm. Julie actually thought I was too calm. She's running around the house trying to do four things at once and I'm just sitting on the bed trying to breathe through the pains. Thankfully Mark saw her and managed to calm her down. They called the mid-wife, got me prepped and then I began ten intense hours of labor and then Abby was born. When she was place in my arms right after she was born all I could think was that it was the most amazing thing that I'd ever experienced in my life."

"I remember. I'll never forget how I felt when the nurse laid Maureen in my arms for the first time. I was amazed at how much I could love someone that was only minutes old."

Just then Abby's cries could be heard coming down the hall. Olivia stood up and stretched. "Come on." She held out her hand.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her wondering what she was up to. When she saw him hesitate she grabbed his hand and pulled forcing him to stand. "Trust me, okay?" She led him down the hall into the spare bedroom. She walked in and went over to Abby and picked her up and began to soothe her in a low voice. The cries immediately subsided. She turned back to face Elliot and made a motion for him to take Abby. Once in his arms she stepped back. "There you go. Now isn't that better?"

He'd held Abby several times but somehow now that he knew she was part of him it felt different. He would forever be connected to this precious bundle. He only wished that Abby could understand how much he loved her at that moment. And knowing from past experience, that feeling would only grow stronger everyday. He started talking to her so she could learn what her father's voice sounded like. "Hi Miss Abigail Erin Benson. I'm your dad. I haven't been around until now, but I promise that from this moment on I will be there for you whenever you need me. I love you so much. So does your mom. Your one special young lady you know that? You have so many others that love you too. You have two crazy uncles, a wonderful grandfather, and three older sisters and an older brother that love you too. You also have the extended network of the police force of New York City. You'll never be alone."

Olivia had been listening to his speech and smiled. "Um El?"

He looked up at her when he heard her tone. "What's wrong?" What the heck could he have done? All he did was tell Abby how he felt.

She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms in front of her. "Nothing, don't look so worried. There's just something that you said that I feel I should correct."

Now he was totally confused. "What do you mean? All I did was tell her how I felt."

"And that's not a problem. I know you mean everything that you said. But at the beginning you called her Abigail Erin Benson."

"So, what's wrong with that. Isn't that her name?"

"No, not according to her birth certificate. You left out something. It's Abigail Erin Benson _Stabler_."

Again she managed to render him speechless. Finally he managed to speak. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Don't look so surprised, Elliot. When I saw your name and remembered I was so glad happy I knew who we were. I never want her to forget who she comes from. I thought about just using your last name but I want her to also know how much that I love her and wanted her to always have that reminder of where she came from."

He walked over to her and put the arm that wasn't holding Abby around Olivia and pulled her close. "Thank you Liv. That means more to me than I can tell you."

A moment later the quiet was broken by a small cry. Elliot took a step back and began to soothe Abby. Olivia glanced at the clock and saw it was time to feed her. "Sorry, but I gotta take care of this."

He understood what she meant. He handed Abby back to Olivia. "I understand. How about you meet me back out in the living room when you're done. I'll fix something to eat and we can keep talking okay?" He stepped out in to the hall.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll be out as soon as I can." With that she softly shut the door and turned her attention to the distraught child in her arms.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Elliot rummaged through the kitchen looking for something for the two of them to eat, his thoughts wandered over the events of the last several days. As he pulled out ingredients for spaghetti and began to prepare it he thought about how just yesterday morning he'd been missing his partner and best friend and believing she was dead. And now here she was alive, healthy and a mother! Leave it to Olivia to beat the odds. What was more amazing was that he was a father, again. There was nothing better in the world than holding your child in your arms for the first time. All of a sudden the phone rang. Elliot wondered who could be calling this late. He hoped it wasn't Cragen calling him in.

"Stabler...Hey captain...It's no problem...Yeah sure...I'll let her know... Thanks...You too, bye." He hung up the phone.

Just then Olivia walked in. "Let me know what?"

He turned and smiled. "Now how do you know I was talking about you?"

She laughed. "Because I do. And if you weren't you wouldn't be avoiding my questions. Now are you going to tell me whatever I need to know or do I have to use force to find out?"

He knew how strong she could be. Though she probably hadn't worked out in the last year, she was probably still tough as nails. He knew when watching her with a suspect that he was glad he'd never had to be the one to sit across from her in an interrogation. Sometimes he almost felt sorry for the perps who had to be questioned by Olivia. Almost.

"You're tough." At her raised eyebrows he threw up his hands and laughed. "Uncle! Okay, Okay. I'll tell you! It was Cragen. He just wanted me to tell you that he would like you to come to the station tomorrow. There's something important he needs to discuss with you."

"Now was that so hard?"

"Ah, no. I guess not. Oh and he requests that you bring Abby."

She chuckled. Abby already had her co-workers wrapped around her finger. "Like I have anywhere else to take her."

"True. Which reminds me, I meant to ask you where her stuff is. She can't be comfortable in her car seat all the time."

She sat down at the table as he placed two full plates of spaghetti on the table. "I know. I was planning on calling the Morgan's tomorrow. They promised that once I got settled somewhere they would bring me my stuff. Their friends are going to help so they can get it all here in one trip. If I call them in the morning they can be here by the afternoon, unload and have time to get back home by the end of the day. Which reminds _me_, I wanted to make sure that you were sure that you wanted us to stay here with you. I don't want to have them bring everything here if I'm not going to be here that long. I don't want to intrude on your personal space."

He almost choked on his food. After everything she'd been through, she finally managed to get home and she was worried about how _he _felt. "How many times do I have to tell you, I don't mind. The way I see it, there are a three major benefits to this arrangement. The first, it will give me a chance to get to know Abby and for her to get to know me. Second, you'll have an extra set of hands to help you out, so you can get some much needed rest. And third, you don't have a job right now, so you have no money coming in, so you don't have a way to pay for an apartment or hotel. I don't want you staying in a hotel anyway. You can stay here as long as you want. I don't want to hear any more about it."

"What about your kids? Where are they going to sleep when they come to visit?"

"We'll figure something out. They won't mind. They know that you're staying here already anyway and they don't have a problem with it. Now stop worrying. So call your friends in the morning and we'll meet them here and you'll be able to relax." He gave her a look that told her he'd made up his mind and no amount of arguing would change his mind.

"Okay. We'll stay. Thank you." She turned her attention to the food on her plate, suddenly finding out that she was very hungry. So for awhile there was silence in the room as they ate. Once they were done she began to help him clean up and broke the silence. "Alright. Spit it out."

He looked at her questioningly and slightly guilty. "What...What are you talking about?" He stammered.

She set the down the dish towel she was holding. "Oh come on El. I know you better than anyone. You have something on your mind. I can almost hear your brain turning. What is it?"

She was good. But he wasn't sure if he could tell her. Denial seemed to work for the moment. "Nothing."

She was beginning to get frustrated, which when dealing with Elliot, would lead to anger and heated words. She turned to face him in the small kitchen. She wasn't sure, but it appeared that he was doing the one thing that she feared the most. He was trying to spare her from thinking about what happened. He was beginning to treat her differently. She didn't want to be treated like a victim. She didn't see herself as a victim anymore. She was a survivor. She took a breath and counted to ten to try to keep the anger out of her voice. "Do you remember our mantra Elliott? 'We don't get to pick the victim.' Don't start treating me different. I'm a survivor now, not a victim, so you can ask me or talk to me about whatever you want. I may not have wanted to tell the whole story to everyone, but you are, or was or whatever, my partner and my best friend. I trust you with my life. So I know that I can talk to you about this. I know that I need to talk to somebody. Julie tried to get me to talk to a shrink, but you know how I am with them. I'd rather it be you. You won't try to over analyze or judge. You'll just be there doing the one thing that I need from someone, and that is listening. So go ahead. You've heard the worst from Cragen anyway. I have nothing to hide from you. The worst thing that you could do is try to walk on eggshells around me or treat me differently. I'm the same person that I was a year ago. So treat me as such and I won't have to kick you ass, because I promise you I still can and I will."

"Actually I wasn't thinking about that. It was something else. But I will keep that last part in mind." He still didn't elaborate.

Her anger immediately dissipated. "Oh, sorry. I'd still like to know what is bothering you. And don't bother denying it. I'll keep bugging you until you tell me what it is. I'm guessing it has to do with me somehow since you are trying so hard to hide it."

"Alright, but can we sit down. I don't want to have this conversation in my kitchen." They went to the living room and sat on the couch. One at either end, much like the other times the last two days they'd sat to talk. Olivia thought it was a good thing that he had a comfortable couch.

"Talk to me Elliott." She said softly to help encourage him.

"I was wondering...well...about us."

Elliot wasn't looking at her but as near as she was it looked like...was he blushing?

"Ah, I understand." It was the elephant in the room. The one thing that they had never discussed, but the one thing that should have been discussed.

"It's just after Christmas we never really talked about what happened and then you were gone, and now you're back and we're still avoiding it. I just want to know how you feel. Especially now that we have something that is going to keep us connected for the rest of our lives. I'm going to honest here. What happened that Christmas wasn't just a one time thing for me, at least I didn't want it to be. It tore me up inside that you pushed me away afterwards. There were so many things that I wanted to tell you, but you avoided me every time I tried to bring it up. You couldn't even look at me. Hell, you even went to Cragen and requested to work with Fin or Munch. So I guess I just want to know why you did that."

'Oh boy,' she thought. This was not anywhere near what she thought he was going to say. He was right though, and deserved the truth from her. "I was scared, plain and simple. We crossed a line that night. I wasn't prepared it and it shocked the heck out of me. You'd just gone through a messy divorce, from a woman that you'd been married to for twenty years. I was your partner, the woman that had always been accused of sleeping with her partner, but hadn't. And there we were. I didn't know what to do. I hated myself for crossing that line. As for the request I didn't trust my emotions around you and I didn't want you to get hurt on the job because of me."

"What about now? How do you feel now? Do you still hate yourself? Do you hate me?"

"No! I don't hate you, or myself. I didn't do anything that I didn't want to that night. I can't regret it now. Look at what we created. I just don't know what I feel now. I know I care about you, as for more than that I don't know."

"Look we both remember what I said to you that day. I meant it Olivia. I had feelings for you that I know that I shouldn't have had. I told you that I'd had them a long time. I still do, but I'm not going to push you to say or feel something that your not ready for. I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. But in the last year I've had to face how I felt about you." His hands came up and framed her face, forcing her to meet his gaze. "I love you, Liv. And I want more but if you can't then I want you to know that is fine. I'll take whatever I can get, even if that means just your friendship and being our daughter's father. Just think about it." He released her and stood up. "It's late. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head and walked away.

'Rest! Yeah right!' Not after that little speech. Her head was reeling. Had he just told her he loved her? She sank in to the couch. Now what was she going to do? The one man in the world that she couldn't have loved her. What a mess. As she sat there she felt something else. Something that she wasn't accustomed to feeling at least until Abby had come along. But it was impossible, wasn't it? She thought back to that fateful day. He had a point though. They'd never discussed it and she'd tried to push it to the back of her mind and avoid it all together. She never really searched herself to find out how she felt, other than being scared. But what was there to be scared of in the first place, unless...and it hit her. She loved Elliot.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Reposting this to fix a discrepancy near the end. _

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. (Still not mine. Just borrowing.)

**Chapter 8**

As she climbed into bed her head was spinning. She knew there was no way she was going to be able to sleep. What the hell was she going to do now? With everything else that had happened, now she had to deal with these new feelings.

She tried to think back to a specific moment that she fell in love with him and found that all she knew was that she'd been in love with him for a long time and never admitted it. She knew there were a handful of reasons for that. He'd been married, had a family, they worked together and he was her partner, they were best friends, not to mention the self esteem issues that she carried around.

The more she thought about it the more she realized that being in love with someone wasn't as scary as she'd always thought it would be. It probably had a lot to do with the person you were in love with. It also helped that she knew that Elliot loved her too. She didn't have to wonder or worry about one-way feelings. She'd trusted Elliot with her life everyday that they'd worked together. When she'd first met him and learned that he was married she'd told herself that he was the kind of man that she one day hoped to fall in love with. Never in a million years would she have imagined that he'd be the _one_. She fell asleep with a small smile on her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning by an unspoken agreement, the conversation from the night before was not mentioned. Nor any aspect of it. Elliot knew that Olivia needed time to adjust and he was willing to wait. He knew not to push her. As much as he wanted to tell the world that Abby was his daughter he knew the time wasn't right. If Olivia wasn't ready to face their personal relationship and feelings right now he would wait. Not forever, but for now he could wait for her. And Olivia did not want to continue their conversation when they had things to do that day. The next time they talked about it she knew they would need a lot of time. So they got ready to leave without saying much to one another.

Once they were on the way to the station Olivia spoke up and speculated on the captain's request for her presence. "So he didn't give any hints about what he wanted?" she asked Elliot.

Elliot huffed. "I'll give you the same answer that I gave the first ten times you asked me, no, all he said was to see if you could come in to see him sometime today. I swear, if I knew I'd tell you, if for no other reason to get you to stop bugging me." Olivia could tell he didn't mean it. She saw the smile tugging at his lips.

"It's probably just an excuse to see Abby anyway."

"Yeah well he's going to have to share. She has the entire station wrapped around her finger. I've never seen so many people fall in love with a baby so fast in my life. If I'm not careful they are going to spoil her rotten."

Elliot pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. "Well here we are. We can find out in a few minutes." Elliot climbed out and grabbed the carrier while Olivia grabbed the diaper bag and her purse.

They walked in and the first person to see them was Munch. "Well if it isn't my favorite niece in the whole world. Come to Uncle Munch sweetheart." Olivia laughed as he took her out. "Don't you think that she'd getting kind of tired of the car seat, Liv?"

"Yeah I know. But Elliot and I are having my friends bring our stuff down today. So by tonight I'll have her stroller and I won't have to carry her everywhere."

Fin walked in and strolled over to Munch. "You going to share that baby. I'm sure Liv doesn't want her to be corrupted by your conspiracy theories." Fin winked at Olivia. She grinned back. He had a point, but it couldn't hurt her now, later it could be a problem.

Munch looked dejected. "It's got to be better than the stories that you tell her about your undercover work in Narcotics. Talk about scary stuff."

As the two partners argued, good naturedly of course, Olivia heard her name being called. She turned around and saw that Cragen was standing in his office doorway. She tried to read his face for some sort of clue but found none. She looked at Elliot who just shrugged his shoulders. She gave him a small smile and walked to Cragen's office and sat down once Cragen closed the door.

Fin and Munch having seen the whole scene looked confused. "What's that all about? She can't be in any trouble yet, she just got back." Fin pointed out.

Elliot explained the phone call from the night before. "I guess we'll find out when she come back," he said sitting down at his desk, keeping one eye on Abby and one eye on Cragen's door.

Elliot got absorbed in a case file and lost track of time. The next time he looked at the clock he realized that Olivia had been in Cragen's office for about forty five minutes. He looked over to Munch and his heart skipped a beat when he didn't see Abby. Then he looked at Fin and saw him softly talking to her. he felt guilty for leaving Abby with them for so long and also for forgetting about her. But he knew she was in good hands here. Just then the door opened and she stepped out. He stood up as she walked over to his desk.

He searched her face for some clue to what had been going on, but found that for once he couldn't get a read on her. "Everything okay? You were gone awhile." He kept his voice low so the others couldn't hear just in case it was bad news.

She smiled at his concern. "He wanted to go over some paperwork that I need to take care of to get me back in to the land of the living. You won't believe all the forms that I have to fill out. Oh, and there's something else."

He narrowed his eyes at the gleam in her eyes and the tone of her voice. "What's that?" he asked suspiciously.

"He wanted me to let you know that he found you a new partner."

Elliot groaned. "Not another one. I'm doing fine on my own. The one guy they gave me didn't last 10 months." 'He wasn't you.' he thought but didn't say it out loud. "I'll probbaly get some rookie detective. Just what I need." Frustrated Elliot sat down in his chair. "So who is it? Please tell me it's not a rookie. I hope it's someone with some experience."

Olivia looked down at him and shook her head. "If you'll stop your ranting for five seconds I'll tell you. I believe that they have about seven years experience as a dectective."

Elliot let out a breath and leaned back in his chair. "Well that's something good at least. So when do I get to meet him?"

For a moment she didn't answer, then just before he could ask again she turned around and walked to the other side and sat in the empty seat and looked up at him with a grin on her face. "Not him...her."


	9. Epilogue

_A/N: First I want to say that I'm very, very sorry that it took 4 months to get this up. I didn't forget about the story I just had several reasons that it took so long. The main two being that I didn't know where to go with it and the second being that I wasn't interested in it at all. Things in my life haven't been going well and so that was keeping me from coming up with happiness for these two. But it really was bugging me that it wasn't finished so I made myself come up with something. I must admit that I don't really like it that much but I wanted to put it to bed. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think!_

Epilogue—One year later

"Hello? Anybody home?"

"In the dining room."

Olivia turned to the left and headed to the afore mentioned room. What she found made her laugh out loud. Elliot was giving Abby her dinner and she in turn was giving it right back. Most of her food appeared to be sticking to Elliot and his clothes.

"You wanna come give me a hand, instead of laughing at me. _Your_ daughter decided that she doesn't want dinner tonight."

Olivia handed him a dish towel. "Oh I see when she misbehaves she's _my_ daughter. So does that mean that when she's good she's _your_ daughter?"

"Of course," smirked Elliot.

"Why don't you go get changed and I will finish feeding her and meet you on the couch."

"You don't have to tell me twice." As he was leaving he stopped and kissed Olivia gently on the forehead. "Love you."

"Love you." Olivia sat in the seat that he vacated and turned her attention to Abby.

While she finished feeding Abby Olivia reflected on the past year and the events that had led to where she was at this point.

She'd gone back to work at SVU a few weeks after coming back to the city. They had discussed what to do about work and possibility of a relationship, but had decided that it was the wrong time to try and begin a romantic relationship, mainly due to the fact that Elliot thought that Olivia needed to concentrate on Abby and work and getting her life back together. So she had been Elliot's partner and for awhile it was working.

As time went on as they worked and lived together both her and Elliot realized that the feelings that had been there before she'd disappeared were still there and very strong. They again discussed what to do and a decision was agreed upon.

They'd gone to Cragen told him everything. He'd been surprised but not too shocked. He'd speculated that Abby was Elliot's daughter but never voiced his suspicions out loud. He listened to the plan that they had come up with and agreed it was the best decision for everyone involved.

So that same day Olivia and Elliot had gathered their friends around and told them the truth. Again no one was too surprised at the news that the two were going to be together. Most wondered what had taken so long (besides the fact that Elliot had been married).

Olivia had explained that effective almost immediately she would transfer to the computer crimes division of the police department. The hours would be better and the risk to her life wasn't as great. Everyone was sorry to see her go but knew that she had good reasons for doing what she was doing.

She'd never moved out of Elliot's apartment and once they decided to pursue a relationship they moved into a bigger apartment.

Olivia's biggest fear was telling Elliot's children and Kathy. The kids had been delighted by the news. Dickie had only grumbled because he was still the only boy in the family. Olivia had cheered him up by telling him it only made him that more special and that he would be the only one to teach Abby everything he knew so Abby would have a male perspective.

Kathy, too had been understanding. A little disappointed at first but eventually had come to love Abby just as much as the rest of the family. Kathy and Elliot had become friends again and neither harbored ill feelings anymore.

Over time Olivia found that she and Kathy had a lot in common other than dating the same man and having kids. Olivia had asked Kathy once why she didn't hate her and Kathy had told her because Olivia made Elliot happy and that's all she wanted was for him to be happy. Life was too short to waste being angry over something that you couldn't control. Olivia couldn't have said it better.

She finished cleaning Abby up and took her to the living room to play for a bit until bed time. Just as she sat down she heard Elliot coming down the hall.

"Grab me a water please." She hollered.

Elliot stopped in the kitchen and grabbed two bottles and headed back to the couch. He handed hers over as he sat down.

"Hi."

She looked over and smiled. "Hi." She leaned her head against her shoulder as he put his arm around her. Together they watched their daughter play. After a few moments Olivia sighed.

Elliot peered down at her. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just tired. We had a complicated case today and ran into walls left and right today. I'm just glad to be home. I've also been thinking about some stuff. You do realize what today is right?"

"I do. I just didn't want to bring it up and upset you."

"I'm not upset. It's just hard to believe that two years ago two men grabbed me and then for the next year I didn't know who I was. It's also amazing that it was a year ago that I came home. I've just been thinking about the last year more."

"Have you come to any conclusions?"

"It's just amazing that I'm the same person that I was before this. Sometimes I feel like I someone else in the same body. Everything that I used to believe about myself has been turned around. Two years ago I was happy with my life. I had a great job that I loved. I had some friends, I was doing good. Now I look back and realize that I was only content and that I was settling for what I had because what I wanted didn't seem attainable. I barely recognized that I wanted something more, I had pushed it so far back in my mind."

Although he had a feeling he knew the answer he asked anyway to keep her talking, to admit how she felt. He knew it was like therapy for her, for both of them. " What did you want?"

"A family, a life, all consuming love, the American Dream….whatever you want to call it. And now with Abby and you in my life I can't imagine where I would be without you two. Probably still fooling myself into thinking I was happy with my life."

"And are you happy?" he asked worriedly.

"Deliriously. You and Abby are the best things that ever happened in my life. I just hope that I make you as happy as you make me."

"I don't know if that's possible. You showed me what love and living was when I was at my lowest. After Kathy left I didn't think that it was possible to love again. You proved me wrong. I thank God everyday for bringing you into my life. You and Abby are what brought me back from a place that I hope that I never see again."

"I love you Elliot."

"And I love you Olivia Stabler."

By then Abby had grown bored with her toys and crawled onto the couch and snuggled between her parents. As they sat there holding on to each other they all realized the same thing without knowing it. That being home with the ones that love you really was the best place to be.

The End


End file.
